For many years golf lovers enjoyed a very entertaining golf series on TV known simply as " A ROUND WITH ALLISS". As with any Peter Alliss television presentation the series was funny,entertaining, informative and quirky. I'm not sure if all the members at Strathmore are aware that we have something on our own doorstep which is equal to all that made Alliss's TV show such lively entertainment. It's known as " A ROUND WITH PARKER"
I had the honour of playing with the jocular, quick-witted Parker a few weeks ago and the memory of the 18 holes will never be forgotten. Anyone who has played with him in the past will know that a game with Parker will be accompanied by his ready wit, banter and waggish sense of humour. This particular round was not noted for these. No, he had not been gagged or forbidden to speak. He wasn't poorly. Nor was he in the huff . He was well and as usual the eyes sparkled with mischief. What made this round memorable was that he for a reason known only to him he'd decided to whistle all around the course.
Four of us teed of on this particularly nice Saturday morning. The sun was shining, the wind was strangely subdued for Strathmore, we were all excited and full of expectations of the miracles that golfers of our calibre need. And, Parker was whistling.
Much to our surprise we all hit decent first tee shots. And, that's where the whistling started. I suddenly became aware that Parker was feeling happy with himself and the rest of the world as he whistled " Step We Gaily Off We Go" . Without a pause for breathe, the tune then changed to "Straight Down The Middle" It's not a tune that's too often heard on the first but on this occasion very appropriate.
Sadly for me my round came to grief very quickly. That was when I realised that Parker seemed to have a tune for all occasions. My approach shot to the green on the first landed in the bunker. It took four attempts to remove the ball from that hellish trap. By this time Parker was whistling " Love Letters In The Sand" Love letters were the furthest thing from my mind as I then three putted the green to score a very inglorious 10. At this stage I wasn't sure if Parker was mocking me but I swear to the Almighty he was by then whistling " It Doesn't Matter Anymore" It sure didn't for me in my attempt to win the money that day!
Archie Blair was another member of our foursome. He and Parker have a keen rivalry. They take great pleasure in winding each other up all the way round the course. For reason beyond me, when Archie teed off Parker would whistle " Do You Believe In Miracles" And some times these miracles would happen as Archie would now and again outdrive our whistling friend. Parkers contempt for these rare occurrences would result in him changing his tune to " Singing The Blues". That was the only way we could tell that Parker was hurting from being out -driven by Archie. By this time I had lost concentration on my golf. I was simply trying to guess what tune Parker would attempt to whistle next. I should add, at this stage, it was not the most tuneful whistling I had ever heard. But it was whistling. It was loud enough to heard on other fairways. I saw more than one golfer look across to our foursome as these strangely strangulated whistled tunes floated across the course and started to affect other golfers concentration.
I had the miss-fortune to pull my tee shot left on the tenth. . It was probably my longest drive ever, last seen running down past the Greenkeeper's shed and down towards the Alyth to Blairgowrie road. Sadly, it was also well and truly out of bounds. Parker smiled sympathetically and then burst into an off key rendition of "King Of The Road" His rhythm at this stage was as bad as my swing, but the tune was certainly recognisable enough.
Parker's golf was inspired by his whistling. He had a brilliant birdie on the 12th. The tune that accompanied that rare feat was perhaps predictable. Tina Turner mind you has nothing to worry about. Parker's version of "Simply The Best"has never sounded worse. It was quite simply the most horrific ever rendition of that number. Coming up the 18th our stamina was starting to wane but that seemed not to affect our happy whistler who by this time was giving us his best shot at "Keep Right On To the End Of The Road" And so it went on. We got back to the Clubhouse and as the scores were being tallied up it became apparent that Parker had won . We all chipped in our pound to the sound of Parker whistling "Money Money Money"
This wee story about " A Round With Parker" has a purpose. It's not a complaint about whistling on the course. It's not a complaint against Parker. It's actually a plea to the committee. I see they do a real good job coaching the youngsters. Apparently these young starlets are coached on the finer aspects of the game, from putting to driving to chipping and sand play. I realise that us oldies are beyond help with these matters.
However, the question to the committee is, would it be possible to hire a music coach who could help Parker with his whistling? That way we would not spend the entire round trying to guess what tune he was attempting to entertain us with. If this were done it would make playing "A Round With Parker" even more harmonious.
No comments:
Post a Comment